Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."

Josh said, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."

Andy responded, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."

A little known fact....


The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT THAT NEW TEAMMATE OF YOURS MAY BE A ROOKIE: (Rik A. Kyser)
10. He wonders when "Nap Time" is...
9. He thinks being sent down to Las Vegas is a GOOD thing...
8. He thinks "Road Trips" means traveling via bus...
7. Everyone mispronounces his last name and he won't say anything about it.
6. He thinks preseason games have an "awfully high intesnity level"...
5. You find him duct-taped to his locker after practice...
4. He thinks Coach is a "Pretty good guy!".
3. He actually follows curfew...
2. He freezes up every time he's interviewed and says "Uhhhh... ummmm... uhhhh...".
1. He keeps asking "CAN I DRIVE THE ZAMBONI? CAN I? HUH? CAN I PLEASE?!!!"...

Descriptions of Team Postions
TEAM COACH
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
TEAM CAPTAIN
Leaps short buildings with single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God
ASSISTANT CAPTAIN
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is granted
DEFENSEMAN
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a switch engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
FORWARD
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals
ROOKIE
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls
REFEREE
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the Choo-choo!"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself
GOALIE
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets with his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance (who needs a Zamboni?)
He is God

Q: Why did the little boy take his hockey stick up into a tree?

A: He wanted to play with the Maple Leafs.

Two boys are playing hockey on an inlet on a pond in suburban Chicago when one is attacker by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to the boy. "Young White Sox Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Sox fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Chicago, I just assumed you were," said the reporter, and he began writing again.

"Cubs Fan Rescues Friends from Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Cubs fan either," the boy said.

"I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Cubs or the Sox. What team do you root for?" inquired the reporter. "I'm a Yankees fan," the child responded.

The reporter turned the page in his notebook and wrote "Little Brat from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet."

Q. Why is Toronto so unique?

A. Unlike everywhere else in the world, the Leafs fall in the spring.

I love these. This was a great idea. I especially love all the leaf jokes. They are so easy to poke fun at.

hahaha the womens goalie one was great. don't say anything about the sabres!

A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice."

The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."

The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish.

Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"

The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"

"No" dumb as$, the voice yells out. "I am the manager of this hockey rink!!!

Here's a good one. : )

There was a huge fire at the All-Star game. Three hockey fans wearing the jerseys of their favorite teams were stranded on the roof; a Montreal fan, a Boston fan and a Detroit fan. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Canadiens fan to jump. He jumped and they moved the blanket to the right and he hit the sidewalk with a splat.

Then they called to the Boston fan to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The firemen explained that they hated the Canadiens. The fan said he hated them too and jumped. Again, the fire department moved the blanket to the right and the fan hit with a splat.

Finally they called to the Detroit Red Wings fan to jump. He said that he wouldn't jump. The fire department said they really hated the Boston to which he replied, "I don't trust you. Lay the blanket down, and then I'll jump!"

thanks for the laughs